Dear Haya,
I’m going through a very difficult time finding purpose in my life. I’m in my late 20s and no longer find purpose in anything I do. I have a regular 9-5 job that makes steady income for me, but it feels like I’m a machine waking up and doing the same monotonous work every other day.
It feels like I have no goals or ambitions of my own. What I’m doing is just a way to keep myself busy and financially afloat. But there is no excitement whatsoever in life. Everyday feels dull, boring and lacks spontaneity. Nothing I do gives me joy.
I am blessed to have family and friends around me, but that, too, doesn’t fulfil the emptiness I feel. Please help me understand why I’m going through these feelings and how can I work on myself.
— A lost soul
Dear lost soul,
What a powerful question you’ve asked — and what a meaningful place to find yourself in.
I hear a quiet ache in your words — a longing to feel purposeful, mixed with frustration for not having that clarity yet. But here’s the beautiful truth: this very restlessness, this discomfort, is the perfect place to begin. You’re not lost. You’re in transition. You’re no longer who you once were, and perhaps not yet sure who you’re becoming. That space — the “in-between” — is sacred. It’s a raw and honest gathering for those in transition. It’s a place where the real becoming happens.
The fact that you’re asking this question tells me you’re already more self-aware than you realise. You’ve noticed the dullness in your day-to-day, a current sense of monotony, the emotional flatness of doing something that sustains you financially but doesn’t spark joy or fulfilment. This is not a sign of failure, it’s an invitation. These emotions are signals from within, nudging you to pay attention to yourself. And that realisation? That’s already a gift.
It is your inner calling, inviting you to something bigger.
Let me start by saying: it’s okay not to know your purpose yet. The first way to find it is to realise its absence and question it. Purpose isn’t always a lightning bolt moment. Often, it’s a slow unfolding. It’s not a fixed destination, but it is something that anchors you while your direction can change with time.
So, how do we find it?
It begins within. The path to purpose starts with self-reflection and honest self-inquiry. To begin this journey, take time to explore the questions below:
1. What lights your soul up or puts you in a state of flow?
Our purpose often sits at the intersection of what deeply moves us — pain or passion. Reflect on the last time you felt fully engaged or in flow. Think about moments, big or small, where time disappeared and you felt aligned, useful or deeply connected to what you were doing.
2. Reflect on your strengths
Self reflect on what you are naturally good at. Which qualities, what skills. Ask your friends, family, or partner what comes to mind when they think of you. Do they see you as kind, funny, creative, or caring? Use their feedback to think about how you can apply these attributes in a way that would give meaning to your life and the lives of others.
3. Think about the obstacles you have overcome in your life
Have you experienced any pain or challenge that has shaped your life or shifted your perspective?
Can you find ways to help others who are going through the same thing? Sometimes our purpose is hidden within our wounds — what you have been through could become someone else’s road map.
4. Are there any recurring themes in your life?
What do people come to you for? What do you keep returning to? Your purpose may have been whispering all along through patterns, interests or instincts.
5. Look for role models
Are there people whose work you admire or way of life deeply resonates with you? What is it about them that stirs something within you? Can you imagine yourself walking a similar path — or creating your own inspired by theirs?
6. Think about what the world needs
What causes/injustices stir something up in you? There are a great many needs on this planet, and different people will prioritise different ones. Are you concerned about world hunger? Climate change? Injustice? Mental health? Pay attention to what lights a fire within you. Identify a cause that’s meaningful to you, and think about how you could help. There are probably a million needs in your community that aren’t being met. Maybe some of those needs require your skill set.
7. What did you dream of as a child?
Often time the dreams we had when we were younger is what our callings are, but they get eroded along the way due to various things. Sometimes revisiting them might help you connect with what truly matters.
8. If money or expectations weren’t in the way, what would your life look like?
Strip away the pressure. What would your day-to-day look like if finances and external expectations weren’t dictating your choices? What would you spend your time doing?
9. Write your own obituary
Yes — this can be a powerful exercise at any age. What do you want to be remembered for? What legacy would you like to leave behind?
Even if you haven’t yet accomplished something you’re proud of — remember, it’s not too late to begin.
Take your time. Journal through these questions gently and honestly. Then, it is time to experiment.
You don’t have to figure it all out at once. Take small steps toward what sparks curiosity or meaning. Purpose is revealed through doing, not just thinking. Try new things. Follow the nudge within. It is your most powerful guide. Talk to people who live in ways that inspire you. You’ll find that most of them didn’t “find” purpose — they built it, slowly, over time.
Remember: Your purpose doesn’t have to be tied to your job.
It might emerge from something simple, like a hobby, or something more layered — like offering your time or service to your community. There’s no one formula for finding it, but there are ways to cultivate it.
Finding your purpose isn’t a one-time reflection — it’s a series of reflections over time. A series of conversations. A quiet journey of discovering yourself.
Purpose can live in the mundane. It can show up in the smallest of ways — in how you listen, in the spaces you hold, in the love you give, in the quiet ways you make others feel seen.
So carve out a little time each day or week to reflect. This journey isn’t linear. It’s layered. Messy. Honest. But the moment you begin, you’re already on it.
So take a deep breath. Make space. Your purpose will meet you there. Don’t feel pressured. Explore the possibilities.
Good luck!
— Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions to [email protected]
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