Dear Haya,
I’m in my late 20s and like most girls my age, I’m often asked the “marriage” question time and again. This has come to a point where I now avoid going to social gatherings, especially weddings where aunties have nothing better to ask me.
I’m an extrovert by nature and very outgoing, but the last few months of attending weddings and parties have left me drained as every other person would directly or indirectly ask me when I’m getting married. I wonder how one can deal with such awkward queries given that we are often asked by our elders to be respectful towards those older than us regardless of how inquisitive and insensitive they may sound.
I’m honestly done dodging the questions and now often skip such events. I do, however, understand that this is not the solution. How would you suggest I deal with such people?
Dear anon,
Thank you for sharing your concern. What you’re going through is more common than you might think, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
It sounds like there’s an internal pressure building up, leaving you emotionally fatigued and disconnected from things you once enjoyed. When our personal space and decisions are repeatedly intruded upon, it can start to wear down our emotional resilience.
Even for someone who identifies as extroverted and outgoing, constant questioning about a deeply personal topic like marriage can feel intrusive, invalidating, and at times, even shaming.
It’s important to recognise that the discomfort you are feeling is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it may be your internal boundaries being tested again and again, without your permission. When well-meaning (or not-so-well-meaning) questions hit vulnerable areas, they can trigger a range of emotional responses: frustration, sadness, defensiveness, and yes, even avoidance, just like you mentioned.
Let’s take a closer look together and explore what you can do.
Understand that boundaries are a form of self respect
I can understand your need for wanting to skip events — but avoidance is no solution to problems, what will help you in dealing with the situation is creating boundaries.
This may look like developing some compassionate yet firm responses. For example, “Thanks for your concern, you will know when it happens” or “I’m focusing on other parts of my life right now that bring me joy and meaning.” See what suits you best.
That can also look like minimising the times you go, you need to see what works for you.
Shift the emotional responsibility
In the South Asian society, there can be a lot of societal expectation towards elders without keeping in regard your own mental health and well-being. However a point to be noted is that being respectful towards elders or anyone else does not mean to not be able to stand up for yourself. It’s not your job to make everyone comfortable, especially at the cost of your own discomfort. Respecting elders is a value many of us hold dear, but respect can be mutual. You can still be respectful and assert your boundaries.
Replenish after social exposure
You mentioned being drained after events. That’s your emotional system asking for restoration. Whether it’s journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply spending some quiet alone time — find ways to return to your centre.
Focus on what you can control
Remember, you don’t have control over other people’s words, actions, behaviours but you do have control over yours. Focus on the things within your locus of control. For example, in this situation your responses, your thoughts, your behaviour and your well being.
Prioritise your holistic well-being
Nurturing your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health is essential to feeling grounded, balanced, and truly replenished in life. When all aspects of your well-being are in harmony, you’re better able to show up fully — for yourself and those around you.
This can look as simple as: eating nourishing foods, getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, moving your body regularly, checking in with your emotions, setting healthy boundaries, and making time for stillness, connection, and joy.
Remember, you don’t have to do everything all at once — just one intentional step at a time is enough to begin feeling the shift.
Hope this helps. You got this!
— Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions to [email protected]
Note: The advice and opinions above are those of the author and specific to the query. We strongly recommend our readers consult relevant experts or professionals for personalised advice and solutions. The author and Geo.tv do not assume any responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information provided herein. All published pieces are subject to editing to enhance grammar and clarity.
