Hi Haya,
I write to you as someone who has been feeling really really depressed. I chose my profession over my studies and decided to continue my education privately. I had to lie to everyone about studying somewhere else, but things didn’t turn out well. Now, despite being a good student, I have to retake exams for the final year of my bachelor’s degree this year.
My parents have a dominating attitude towards me, while also expecting me to be independent. They don’t let me meet my friends or work in the companies where I see my future, so I’ve been sitting at home for a long time. Because of this situation, I’ve lost interest in my profession and even the things I once loved.
I don’t know how to find a way to move forward in life. Do you have any advice on how to cope with all this?
— A lost person
Dear lost person,
What you’re going through sounds deeply painful. Being in a place where what you want for yourself doesn’t align with what your parents want can feel incredibly heavy — like carrying a constant sense of being stuck.
You’re describing a situation where you’ve been trying to balance autonomy, approval, and identity — three things that are deeply intertwined with our sense of self-worth and direction.
It sounds like your profession once meant so much to you, and now being in a place where you’re unable to pursue it has left you feeling detached from something that once gave you meaning. That kind of loss — of direction, passion, and agency — is truly heartbreaking.
As hard as it is, there are often lessons in the breaking. When you chose to focus on your profession over your studies, it likely felt like the right decision at that time. You couldn’t have known how things would unfold. Retaking your exams doesn’t mean you’ve failed — it reflects courage. It takes bravery to start again, to rebuild, and to keep showing up despite setbacks.
There also seems to be an emotional conflict where your parents want you to be independent, yet still want control over your life decisions. That push-and-pull can make you feel powerless, especially when your intentions and efforts have always come from a place of sincerity.
What you’re experiencing sounds like a mix of learned helplessness and emotional exhaustion — when repeated obstacles (like family control, academic setbacks, and isolation) make it feel as though your choices no longer matter. This sense of “stuckness” can mimic depression or intensify it. But depression doesn’t always mean you’re broken — sometimes it’s your mind’s way of signalling that something in your environment, or within you, needs to change.
Let’s unpack this in two parts — healing and moving forward.
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Healing: Regaining emotional balance
Allow space for grief: You’ve lost not only opportunities but also trust — in yourself, in how life was supposed to go. Give yourself permission to mourn that. Healing begins with validation, not suppression.
Separate guilt from responsibility: You made the best decisions you could with what you knew at the time. That doesn’t make you a bad person. View your past choices with compassion rather than blame.
Rebuild your connection with yourself: Depression often disconnects us from our needs. Gentle grounding actions — journaling, short walks, mindfulness, or even reconnecting with one thing you once enjoyed — can slowly help you reawaken that inner voice.
Moving forward: Reclaiming agency
Shift focus: Try to shift your focus from what’s blocked to what’s still possible. Even if your parents’ control limits certain freedoms, your internal autonomy — your ability to think, plan, and prepare — remains yours. Use this time to quietly build skills, research opportunities, or plan for life after your exams.
Choose your hard: As difficult as it feels, we all face a choice — to stay in circumstances that diminish us, or to take small, brave steps toward the life we want. Both paths are hard, but only one leads toward fulfilment.
Work on emotional boundaries: Start small. Instead of confronting your parents head-on, try assertive communication in low-stakes situations — expressing preferences calmly and consistently (“I’d like to decide how I spend this weekend” instead of “You never let me do anything”).
Redefine progress: Progress isn’t always a job, a degree, or visible success. Sometimes, it’s simply getting out of bed with a bit more energy, studying despite the heaviness, or holding on to the belief that your future still has meaning.
Seek support if accessible: Therapy can help you process family dynamics and emotions, while coaching can help you rebuild direction and structure. Both can coexist beautifully — therapy heals, coaching activates growth.
Don’t lose sight of bigger truth: Lastly, please don’t lose sight of the bigger truth. You’re not behind in life — you’re simply in a rebuilding phase. Many people who feel “lost” are actually in the middle of a transformation they can’t yet name. You only lose when you decide you’ve lost. Its not over, you just need to work on realigning yourself. You are the only one who can give yourself what you want.
You got this!
— Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions by filling this form or email to [email protected]
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