Hi Haya,
I’m a teenager and have been feeling quite stressed lately. Could really use your guidance to find some solutions to my problems.
I’ve got several ambitions and goals for my career and future, and even though they continue to motivate me, they can also get pretty overwhelming for me at times. I often keep worrying about being perfect at it, achieving enough and fear falling behind, which eventually impacts my mental health.
Would you have any advice on how I can manage this stress in a healthy manner, try to balance my goals and also take care of my mental health?
— An ambitious teenager
Dear ambitious teenager,
Thank you for sharing your query. Something a lot of young adults would be able to relate to.
It’s great to hear about your ambitions and dreams, and they continue to motivate you, yet I’m also hearing that they tend to overwhelm you. The worry of them being perfect and the fear of falling behind are impacting your mental health.
When you constantly mix pressure with perfectionism, your ambition can turn into constant worry, leading your nervous system to always stay in “alert mode”. Over time, that can get exhausting, affecting mood, sleep, confidence and motivation, taking you away from what your real goals are.
A key factor to note about perfectionism is that it is often rooted in fear. The fear of not being enough, fear of disappointment, fear of not being enough. Awareness is always the first step to change.
A point to remember, stress doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you care.
Your ambition is your strength, but it needs structure and direction to streamline it. Let’s take a look at what we can do.
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Create a vision board
Get a board and put up pictures of all the goals you have for yourself. Be specific. For example, if there is a financial target you want to meet, a certain level of health you want to achieve, a certain career, etc.
Create smart goals
On a piece of paper, list down all the goals that you want to achieve in the next 10 years. Once you have listed those down, break them down into goals for five years and goals for one year. Break the yearly ones further to monthly goals and daily goals. Goals need to be smart: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. When goals are vague, like “I need to be successful or I should be doing more”, the brain will stay anxious because it doesn’t know when it’s safe to relax.
Zoom in, not zoom out
You are getting overwhelmed because you are trying to plan your entire future all at once. Focus on the next small step, the next skill, and the next step.
Focus on progress over perfection
Perfection always delays action. Progress builds confidence. Ask yourself: What’s the smallest imperfect action I can take today?
Focus on other areas of your life
You must focus on other aspects of your life to build mental strength simultaneously. For example, exercise and getting restful sleep. This will keep you strong and going.
Work on your mindset
Whenever you feel you are not doing enough, work on actively resetting your mindset. For example, I’m doing the best I can. I’m working every day towards my long- and short-term goals. Remind yourself of all the things you are doing.
Work on your perfectionism and fears
The two feelings are often linked to the beliefs you have about yourself. Work on the relationship you have with yourself, and you’ll notice the rest will start to fall into place.
Nervous system regulation
You need a grounded and safe nervous system to plan your future. You can do this via breath work, grounding or finding what else works for you.
Remember, you need a grounded nervous system and clear, actionable goals to plan for your entire future. Your job is not to be perfect, your job is to make progress while protecting your mental health.
Start with this and see how it goes. If it still feels too overwhelming, I would suggest working with a therapist and coach to help you create the life you can’t stop thinking about.
And remember, nothing is impossible, if your mind can conceive it, you can do it. You got this!
Best wishes,
Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions by filling this form or emailing [email protected]
Note: The advice and opinions above are those of the author and specific to the query. We strongly recommend our readers consult relevant experts or professionals for personalised advice and solutions. The author and Geo.tv do not assume any responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information provided herein. All published pieces are subject to editing to enhance grammar and clarity.
